How to support someone who has lost a loved one

Getting in touch with your relative or friend after they have lost someone can make them feel less isolated and help them on their grief journey. A phone call, text message, card or letter can be a great comfort. If you can meet up in person, that might be even better – a hug is often much needed

Don’t worry too much about saying the right thing – it’s more important that you say something rather than find the perfect words. Share your condolences and some thoughts about the person who died. For example, you might like to say something along the lines of “They were such a wonderful and kind person and will be hugely missed”.

Remind your relative or friend that you are there for them and give them the opportunity to talk about their memories of their loved one – for example, you could ask them about their favourite holiday together or the times they made them laugh. After a death, it’s common for the person grieving to want to go over what happened leading up to the death many times. Just being there to listen can be extremely helpful.

Providing practical support can really help when someone is grieving, especially if the person you are supporting has children or other caring responsibilities. Perhaps you could collect their children from school, walk their dog or cook some healthy meals for their family? 

They might also have new administrative tasks that they now have to manage on their own, such as arranging the funeral or other cultural rituals and looking after property or household bills. Talk to them about any worries they have about this and, if you can, signpost them to relevant support organisations – you can find a list of useful websites below.

Celebrations of life, funeral services and other ceremonies provide an occasion to say goodbye and see other family members and friends. This can help those grieving to face the reality of what has happened and begin the journey towards reconciliation and closure. As time goes on, just listening to your relative or friend talking about their memories can also be a powerful way to help.

While there is no set timetable for grief, it should ease over time so that people can move forward. In some cases, however, your relative or friend might still be struggling and might experience complicated grief. They might have trouble carrying out their normal routine, withdraw from social activities or experience depression or guilt, for example.

If this is the case, you might want to encourage them to get support from a specialist bereavement service (e.g. helpline, online forum, counselling, talking therapies). The AtaLoss website contains a list of services and Cruse offers the opportunity to talk to bereavement counsellors. Bereavement services are available in every London borough so please check your local council website too. We’ve put together a list of useful websites below.

Supporting your relative or friend could be emotionally taxing on you, especially if you also knew the person who died or you have lost someone else recently. It’s therefore important to be aware of your response to grief and loss in others and make sure you also take care of yourself. Good Thinking has a wide range of free resources to help boost your mental wellbeing, including free apps, articles, guides, self-assessments and workbooks.

• Apart of me (free app to support young people through loss)
• Faith-based bereavement resources
• Five ways to good mental wellbeing
• How to cope with bereavement and grief (advice for adults)
• How to cope with the death of a loved one (advice for young people)
• Quick guides for supporting friends, family, colleagues, children and young people with their mental health

Advice and support

• Age UK
• Cruse
• Dying Matters
• Grief Chat
• The Good Grief Trust
• NHS

Directories of bereavement services

• AtaLoss
• UK Government (find bereavement services from your council)

Practical support

• UK Government (what to do when someone dies)

Advice and support about sudden bereavement

• Sudden
• Thrive LDN

Advice and support for children

• Child Bereavement UK
• Grief Encounter